found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
