i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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