got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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