I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
