oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
