Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
