guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
