Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will be naked everywhere
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
