just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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