yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
