my vag is so smooth its legendary
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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