He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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