Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
