I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
