I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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