I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
