just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
