Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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