True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
