you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
