its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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