The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
