Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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