UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do herpes really smell.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
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all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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