I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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