I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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