i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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