i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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