Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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