I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
