garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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