it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
