This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
