is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
