I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
