it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
