puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
