I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
