is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
