I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
