Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
