i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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