Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need to stop coming to work sober
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
