I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
