i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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