Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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