i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
