That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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