it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
