He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
