Your dad touched me again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
