forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pants are for mortals
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
