I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
