I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
