they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
