I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
