It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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