i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
