i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
