butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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