Will you blow on my dice?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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