Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
