theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
