Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
