It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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