that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
