Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
