she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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